Well - I know its been ages but I didn't really have much time while P was out on holiday. I would like to say she had a nice rest but as you know if you have been here, a week really equates to 5 days when travelling accounts for 2 days & as it is so transient here everyone's visit may only happen once you try & cram the whole Dubai experience into such a short time.
As you know from last blog we started off with the 'old' Dubai & culture & then we gradually worked up (or should I say down?) To the modern stuff.
Tuesday saw a bit of a road trip going on with me driving to Abu Dhabi with P & Thelma in order to visit the Grand Mosque. (Thanks to TT who had lent me her car while she was on safari etc in South Africa).
We had H's satnav to help us with the journey but use the word 'help' loosely. We thought we had programmed it to get us there but unfortunately satnav was intent on us being directed to every mosque in Abu Dhabi & let me tell you there are loads so every couple of yards we were told to 'turn right' & is it me or does satnav voice sound cross & gets panicky when you don't take her directions?!!!
Fortunately Thelma had a good idea of how to get there and we made it with a few minutes spare for the guided tour. (After getting dressed) when you visit the Mosque you have to wear an Abaya (black robe) and scarf over your head which is lent to you (all clean from the laundry). Unfortunately they have brought in a new set of hooded robes which were very unflattering & made us look like the Witches From Eastwick (all that was missing was our broomsticks!!!) Think H would have said it was a very apt outfit!
After the Mosque we went to Emirates Palace for lunch which was nice but I feel overrated.
There was a big security/military exhibition on & there were VIPs around & on leaving the Palace, roads were shut etc for their departure. We were at traffic lights with police manning every junction & I unfortunately had a very near miss with one who, when the lights turned green had been caught napping proceeded to jump out in front of me to wave the cars forward (he cannot have seen me as he was looking beyond our car) I slammed the brakes on & stopped with about a fag paper between car bumper & his knees!!! - he was still oblivious, waving his stick to move on the traffic which couldn't move because I was stopped!! Anyway fortunately I got round him & got away without any further incident!
I won't bore you with every detail of P's visit but will pop back here & there over the next few days as I think of things that may be of interest. Suffice to say I really enjoyed having her here & finally able to give her a real snapshot of my life here & I hope for her a change is as good as a rest as she certainly deserves a rest!!
I am getting geared up for my visit home to the UK on sunday - looking forward to seeing everyone but most definitely not looking forward to the weather!!!
As with all visits home I have started my shopping list of things I need to bring back and it is getting longer by the minute & that is without the mandatory Primark visit!!!! And not forgetting English Galaxy chocolate (mainly for H I have to say!).
Anyway will try & fill you in on a bit more of the last couple of weeks over the next few days!

Before I go I must just mention that it is now 2 years since I lost my most amazing beautiful Mum & I miss her today as much as ever!!
Love Jane

Hello there,

Sorry for no blogs for a few days but believe it or not I have been extremely busy!!! (As I have just said to Vera in the UK busy is all relative! Haha)

Had a non-valentine gathering at ours on thursday, it was the usual crowd plus H's team from work. I can tell you the Muslim staff can half drink mango juice!!! We had to send out for more twice!!! So we have decided that they must be mango-holics & they should probably set up a self help group!!
It also was interesting that as I was cooking chicken wings etc I had to remember not to touch them with the utensils I had used on the pigs-in-blankets & sticky honey sausages. (Thoughtful of me I thought!)
I took out my honey sausages from the oven & passed them round with the phrase 'who wants a hot sticky sausage!' Obviously all the ladies had some but I was most surprised at how many of the guys wanted hot sticky sausages. (You can take the girl out of essex etc!)
Was an absolute pratt when taking the sausages round as I also had cocktail sticks to prick (sorry pick!) them with and did the classic of turning my hand & lost the lot - do you know how far about 100 cocktail sticks go when dropped on a tiled floor? Was still finding them 2 days later!!

Sunday night my lovely friend P arrived from the UK on her first visit. Its been lovely having her here.
We started her holiday with a day in the old town. Had a walk along the creek (I drove there & can I say was proud of myself finding it & getting there without incident). We then had a fab time doing the cultural breakfast at the centre for cultural understanding.

The Emirati women doing the Q&A were brilliant & we learnt a lot. They stressed the need for us to pass on to people that the veil is NOT worn for religious purposes (which many of us already knew) so hopefully you will all pass that on too! They wanted the misconception stopped as I think they are fed up with women using it as an excuse to stir up trouble which in turn makes their lives more difficult with westerners.

Anyway when P goes home will give you all an update on what has been happening!
Love Jane

Hi all,

Had a good day, Thelma came round for lunch & HH my hairdresser  friend came over for lunch & to do my hair. Successful day with hair back to normal & nearly 3 bottles of Cava drunk!

Last night we went to Mahiki which is a club. We went for 2 reasons, M & another guy N were celebrating their birthday & rumour had it that the West Ham football team were going to be there! (Well, we knew they would be because J - the guy with the parrott, [see earlier blogs] is mates with some of them & he booked it.
H was almost beside himself with excitement (being a lifelong hammer!)

Thelma, Louise, HH, H & myself went early as we had been told that we weren't all necessarily on the guest list so, early doors it was.

Well, we had a quiet start to the evening but it was nice apart from the stupid cow who stood behind me flicking her flipping hair at me all evening!!!!! (Another pet hate of mine, and by god do I have a few!!! Lol) what is it with the hair - flicking? Louise has long hair & I can say I have never seen her do it!

We sat at the bar until it was the time that they remove the stools & then had great pleasure being shown to 'our' table & seeing some 'pretenders' being told to move to allow us our seats!!!
Felt quite celebrity like!!

We had some tables booked under the name of N as it was his birthday & the owner of Mahiki as he was over from London celebrating his birthday too (he is mates with N's brother).
Louise left quite early as she wanted to get up ok for work.

We then moved through to our other tables when the dance floor opened! We had a treasure chest cocktail at the table (yuk) & a very big bottle of champagne - only 1 glass each unfortunately but never mind.
Felt quite the celeb, sipping my champagne when J brought Mark Noble from West Ham to meet me & my street cred with my boys has gone through the roof!!! - the things we Mums have to go through to get approval from our kids!!

Anyway must go now
Love Jane

Hi,

Friday we went Barracuda! This is a place about an hour or so away and its like a big Tesco but they only sell alcohol & when we go its like kids in a sweetshop time.
We took our female little Yalumba twin with us as the male Y Twin is in UK. We lways have a giggle on the journey but I think H in particular missed his little buddy!

We then went to McGettigans for dinner & drinks. As we went in we all felt p***ed, the wooden floor has gone wrong & lifted so it made you stagger as you went in. That made for a fun evening people watching. You had the sober people staggering all over the place as well as the drunk ones! And the funniest bit was the way everyone staggered, stopped, turned round to look & not seeing anything carried on with a quizzical look on their face.
We also wondered why they had a bouncer stood by the 2 stairs that you go down before the wonky floor & he said nothing as a warning to anyone - maybe like us, he was waiting for a fall!

A man who looked like Shrek was there - I kid you not, even more like him than Wayne Rooney. And we saw him last night at Nelsons too!! Really, really like him.

Saw a lady in a skin tight t-shirt dress, not great! She was too old for the dress & saggy boobs with no bra is a very bad look! Also baggy knickers! Oh dear, look in the mirror without those rose tinted specs on!!!

Anyway bye for now, need to put my nurses outfit on as H is poorly today with a bad stomach!

Love Jane

Hi Everyone,

Well the weekend has come & gone & its time to let you know what was going on.

We have for some time been meaning to try out a new bar called Girders down at JBR & we eventually got to try it out on  Thursday.
The decor was quite weird, very metally construction site type floors, tables etc with (yes you guessed it) girders. So not sure about that but I quite liked the vibe - busy, good music & great measures!!!(Which started large & got bigger with every order).

 A very posy, stupid couple came into the bar on roller blades they looked absolutely ridiculous! They kept skating round the place, desperate for everyone to look at them & think they were great. At one point they were going to opposite ends of the bar & then doing a glide past each other with out-stretched arms (pass the sick bag!) Then the best thing ever happened....................................on one of their glide past moves he fell over!
Well that got everyone looking, haha!

Some of the gang moved on to Byblos & we were intending to join them after we finished our drinks but as R & his girlfriend C had joined us, we just went back to ours for drinks on the balcony.
After an evening on Peroni & another big blank H has decided Peroni is probably not the best beer for him to drink!

I forgot to take all my security measures when we went to bed, which could so easily have resulted in embarrassment for H.
Now, my security measures are what I do when I think H is going to sleep walk, these include locking the balcony door & hiding the key, pulling 2 sets of curtains across the balcony door that only has a push button lock. Lock front door & put chain on & finally lock our bedroom door.
Although I forgot to take the usual steps fortunately I did lock the bedroom door. I woke fairly early & on coming out of the loo who should be having a fight with the bedroom door lock, yes, H naked trying to get out, now obviously this could have been dodgy as R & C had stayed in our guest room & they may have had an unwanted visitor!

Had great news today - G (oldest son) passed his driving test! Well done!! Can you give me a lift when I come home?

Had a great day Friday but will put that on tomorrow.
Love Jane

Hello there,

Well, it was 'P-Day' yesterday (take sample to hospital) & we made it!!!! (With half an hour to spare!)
I drove Catwoman's Jag back from Abu Dhabi!! I was born to live in luxury!!!

Watched the film Argo again last night (H even managed to watch it!) Can recommend it, some people are amazing, if you see it or have seen it you will know what I mean (its based on a true story).

Had a great chat with Superwoman on Skype - can't wait to see her for real! As we were discussing my eldest niece, who should What's App me? I find that happens a lot - you are thinking of someone & they message you.

Been trying to think of where to go Thursday but to be honest it gets a bit difficult sometimes, mainly because there is so much choice!! Its a hard life but someone has to do it!!! (Glad its me!) Its also hard at the moment because I really want to go to the places with the great outside spaces & it's still too cold.

Just had to go to mall for proper shopping (no shoes or dresses) & it still makes me smile after all this time seeing straight men holding hands, cuddling & even a kiss or two!! Just can't see it taking off in the UK can you?

Anyway must dash & swot up for quiz tonight or H will tell me off!!

Love Jane

Hello there everyone,

Sorry if you looked yesterday but in all honesty I was up by 10 but was having a bit of a problem remembering thursday night! It actually wasn't the amount of drink consumed but rather H & I made the fatal mistake of not eating before we went out & therefore both suffered from 'early tipsyness' followed by severe bout of amnesia!!
The cure was huge fry-up in the Underground pub & sundowners at Barasti. (No sun yesterday though!!!)

However, H & I do remember having a wonderful conversation with some Saudis which we can remember saying was fascinating but can't actually recall any of it!!!! (If at a later date it comes back to us I will tell you about it). Oh boys, just so as you know, I remember our conversations but Dad doesn't - haha!!

You will be pleased to know that Barasti didn't disappoint!

We met up with Thelma, Louise & Z who had been to the 'weight loss show' at the Marina next door which they said was full of potions & lotions & plastic surgery places!!!

We were catching up on thursday night's activities with Thelma as we had hoped she may fill in a few of our blanks (& no, it didn't help much), while we were waiting for TT (top tipster) & her husband D when we spotted a very drunk man (must have been a bruncher).

Now the clue to man's state was in the walk! You know the one..... 2 steps forward, one to the left, one to the right  & one back!!!! As I have told you before the pool is there, unused with barriers round it, well the barriers did their job, drunk man was saved by the barrier on more than one occasion! He then made it the side area where he spied the shower...... Oh yes we were going to see a great incident we thought.
As he stood in the shower area we could almost virtually see his brain working, (you know what I mean) where the drunk person gets very interested in something & their concentation is all consuming - wanting to know how 'it' works. Well, he swayed a bit & stared a bit & wham, pressed the button.... (You could feel the disappointment of everyone who had spotted him) no water!!! However undeterred, Man went to each side of the shower & tried every button! .... Still no water! This did not seem to faze him though because he stood his ground (with a bit of swaying here & there) & proceeded to 'wash' his hair in the imaginary water followed by a very thorough wash of his 'private parts' & bottom!!! There was much laughter by all those that could see this dry shower!

It wasn't too much later when Louise spotted a greyish haired man standing all alone at a table with quite a ginger moustache, it took a while & much staring to realise it was a stick-on moustache, now what you have to realise is that it is a good laugh at brunch when you see fancy dress (often hen & stag dos), it maybe totally over the top things like 20 barbies, or 10 roman soldiers (if you remember we saw 2 last week) or maybe all the men in red trousers or as I'm sure was the case here 10 men with stick-on taches
However, when you are stood on your own at 5 o'clock in the afternoon it is actually very funny for a very different reason! When you appear 'normal + sober' with your glass of white wine + try to chat up a couple of ladies with your stick-on moustache flapping a bit because the sticky is wearing off you just look plain ridiculous!!!!

Now before I go one question - why, no matter where you go in the world do they NEVER have enough ladies toilets????

Love Jane

Hi there everyone,

As I posted this blog I saw Saturdays post wasn't on - it had saved to draft (told you I was useless at all this computer stuff!).  Anyway you get 2 today then!

Not much been happening really so I thought I would just share some of my thoughts - yes I do think occasionally & yes it's probably dangerous.

Watching football over the years, either on tv or when the kids have played & it seems to me that professionals not only do football training but I think the following are obviously essential skills that they have to learn in order to excel as a pro.

1) Learning to dive - some players could probably teach Tom Daley a thing or two.

2) Learning to roll around when injured (not) for oscar performance - RADA could use some of this acting skill

3) How to spit when the camera is on you - this takes great skill, first being able to produce a sizeable quantity to show to the crowd & camera & then more importantly, impeccable timing to make sure the camera is at the right angle & zoomed in as the spit leaves your mouth!

I think it is also time I shared with you mine & Thelma's secret crush!!

It probably should remain secret but here goes......

Barry Weiss from Storage Wars! Haha yes I think Thelma & I have probably gone over the edge!!
For those of you that don't watch Storage Wars, Barry is well in his 60s grey hair & thick framed glasses!
We are not only addicted to Barry but also to the programme. Absolute rubbish American s**t but we love it, check it out if you get a chance!! Haha.

Take care
Love Jane