Hi All,
I forgot to say I got all excited Tuesday........
Yes you thought, new shoes, dress or went somewhere new didn't you? Well actually it was a visit from housekeeping with ......... A new iron!!! Oh the simple things in life eh?

Its funny isn't it how kids are the same the world over? I have been watching a Dad & his toddler from the balcony as the kiddie is riding his trike. Child keeps heading for the steps (there is a huge amount of space without steps!) The Dad keeps steering him away but kid keeps racing back so Dad has now taken trike away & is carrying it. Not to be put done though the kid has run over to steps & keeps running up & down them - I can see it 'will all end in tears!!'

Saw a cracking bloke yesterday - striaght out of the 70's big curly hair black moustache & tracksuit, wanted to walk over & say in a Liverpuddlian accent 'Calm down, Calm down, eh,eh!!'

Why is it most joggers that you see, especially round our lake or over at the Marina look like they are about to keel over & pop their clogs!! I am sure it can't be good for them & a brisk walk would be better!

The lake next to ours has been drained (don't know why) but its got me thinking of what they will find if they drain ours properly!
For those of you that don't know, a favourite past time of the male species at ours when alcohol is involved is to raid my fridge (when I am not looking) & throw any suitable items into the lake to see who can throw the furthest!! That is after they have run out of golf balls!!!
My lovely sons seem to enjoy this past time almost as much as their Dad + M + D.
Watch this space ..... I may be able to say what foodstuff rots the quickest in water!!

Love Jane

Hi All,
No blog yesterday as I was out to lunch & to play Pokemon!

Now Pokemon isn't its real name of course ( those with kids of a certain age know what real pokemon is. Those stupid creatures with very suspect names such as Slowpoke, Lickitung & Jigglypuff. Etc - some bearing a Captain Pugwash charm!!)

Ok so we play Pokeno (I can never remember it, so call it Pokemon).
This is a bingo like game with prizes which get won & then are 'stolen' 3 times - 3rd steal means you win it. This involves having a good memory (as prizes are kept in bags under your chair) because if you try to 'steal' the wrong prize from the wrong person you don't win it.
Now most of us ladies that play it are of an age where memory is not our best asset!!! We have to deal with putting counters on & off a bingo like card, using playing cards, remembering who has prizes & what they are plus throw in conversation & you can imagine... Mayhem!! Good job at this lunch we do not have alcohol!!
We all agree between the & of us there yesterday we probably couldn't hold down 1 job!

I won (but did not get to keep) a wooden bead necklace & bracelet set. Very fetching it was too, however when I tried it on the 2 shells (for decoration) were in the perfect place to be nipple covers (makes a change from tassels I thought!). This caused much hilarity as most of us agreed (again being ladies of a certain age) that they would only work if we were wearing a bra because - whip the bra off & a considerable more amount of beads would be required to allow the shells to provide coverage!!!
Also thanks to J for her suggestion of calling the bead set 'titty suspenders', we all agreed that if the husbands heard about such garments they may decide they to join in this game!!!!

Anyway, I need a lie down now as I have walked to the Marina with my 'old lady' trolley, filled it with stupid things like bottles of water & other heavy goods & get back home so now feel totally knackered!!!
Speak tomorrow.
Love Jane

Hi Everyone,

Well the day dawned to get Catwoman's sample to Abu Dhabi.
Prunes & Liquorice had been consumed & Catwoman made her 'deposit'. She messaged me to say the 'clock was ticking' so could we go now! (This was about 6.45 am), fortunately I was ready & off we went.
However, there was thick fog & as we were going onto the main road we realised we couldn't even see the road signs!! Now, driving in fog anywhere is dangerous but here it is just crazy & after a few moments of deliberating we turned back - the test she has to have is not life threatening but the drive to Abu Dhabi is!!
I gave H a call in case he wasn't 'decent' - didn't want to shock Catwoman into making another 'deposit'! So had a couple of cups of coffee at home.

Yesterday I forgot to mention Centrepoint undies.
Centrepoint is a collection of shops in the Mall of the Emirates & they stock shoes (my fav bit), kids & adults clothes. Now it seems very bizarre in this fine place that they have on sale in this underwear section a veritable collection that would make Ann Summers blush - really!!
Bow tie thongs, crotchless, nippleless bodysuits (actually made up of about 3 straps - couldn't quite see the point of that one lol!!!) Etc. Not what you expect to see on show in a shop in Dubai!

That's all for now folks as I have some Skyping to do.
Love Jane

Hi again,
Quiet day yesterday but productive. Did a load of sorting stuff out in my bedroom while the rest of apartment was cleaned by my maid Deepa, for those that don't know of her she is a tiny lady who does my apartment once a fortnight & she is amazing!
Then when she left I did my ironing - so its not all lazy days for me!
Popped to Mall to meet J for coffee & do a bit of shopping. Had pancakes with syrup(bad girl!) Anyway the waiter said they were 'fat' pancakes & you got 3 - we thought he meant like scotch pancakes, well when they came they were fatter than the old english style muffins! J + I managed 1 each so unfortunately wasted 4 between us! Think that was what the waiter was getting at (should have shared!)

Saw a very funny woman (from behind) must have been Russian from her style of clothes, tried to cop a look from the front but despite jumping in & out of the rails in M & S - we lost her!!

You know the English just shout louder if they are talking to a foreigner who doesn't understand well, you will be pleased to know its not just us - had a Bangladeshi taxi driver who couldn't understand me & he just kept shouting 'where you want to go' at me!
Got there in the end though.  Haha.

Anyway see you tomorrow, (or maybe the day after) hopefully after Catwoman & I have made a poo deposit in Abu Dhabi (fingers crossed!!)Lol.
Love Jane

Hi.
Sundowners at Barasti to watch the Brunch Brigade! As H & I were waiting for the others to arrive what should we see but 2 Roman gladiators! (Bit different to last weeks tutu!)
Unfortunately that was really as good as it got but I will share an absolute cracker from several months ago.

For expats you can move on but for everyone else there follows info on brunch.....

Brunch is an alcohol & food fest that is beyond your wildest dreams!!! It usually consists of eat & drink as much as you like in 3 or 4 hours, (betwen noon & 4) coupled with the sun it makes for quite a spectacle.
Many brunchers 'move on' after to various bars around the city (because obviously 3or 4 hours of gluttony is just not enough! Lol)
Barasti is a beach bar that is a popular post brunch venue.

Anyway we were watching the brunch brigade 'doing the walk' (this is the 'I'm not p****ed, just walking carefully' walk) - the concentration on the faces of the most p'd is fantastic & don't forget the women have the added issue of 'fashion' to deal with such as tight dresses & great big platforms & sky scraper heels!

Everyone is in various states of drunkenness & at Barasti there is an outside pool that is never used & is barriered off to stop the drunks going in. (We all think it should be filled in as its never used).

There was a crowd of rowdy revellers with a particularly fat, gobby female (lady is not appropriate) there. Anyway Gobby decided she was going to go poolside of the barrier & a male friend was coercing her back, suggesting it wasn't a good idea, security would throw her out as it wasn't allowed etc when Gobby retorted in a shouty voice 'NO ONE'S TELLING ME WHAT TO F***ING DO' etc & this was accompanied with much waving of the arms & pointing.
At that moment in full swing we discovered that there is a god! Yep you guessed it she fell backwards straight into the pool with the most almighty splash!!!!
With that, security came round to the steps to get her out but as she reached the paved area she marched off & shrugging off attempts to help her she flew backwards & landed flat on her back!!!
I have never heard such a loud slapping noise nor have I laughed so much!!

Good job she was so fat & p***ed otherwise it would have really hurt!

I will leave you with that image & hopefully see you tomorrow.
Jane

Hello All,
Sorry for lack of blog yesterday but after a 5-6 am finish on thursday morning blogging was the last thing on my mind!! Spent the day sleeping or wishing I was sleeping!! Oh & looking for one of the Yalumba twins head!! (The Yalumba twins are great friends of ours - the explanation for their name may be explained in a later blog!)

Anyway behaviour at our 'dry night gathering' was so good that I have nothing to blog about!!!

I had bought a small pot of plasticine for G's use (to keep him occupied) & now thanks to G & Yalumba twin(with the missing head) I keep finding little plasticine models everywhere - even in the freezer!! Haha!

Well, could have done with staying in last night but as everyone knows, thursday night out is a ritual for H that he sticks to religiously, oh & boy am I glad we went out........

Louise couldn't make the gathering due to work committments so she was really up for a night out so being her true friends, Thelma, H & I met her at the Belgian Beer Cafe at the Madinat. It was busy but not lively if you know what I mean & after 2 drinks & wilting slightly we moved on to Leftbank - 2 drinks later we moved on again to Jambase. This is billed as a 'supper club' & is usually good fun as they have live music & a DJ.


Oh my god!! Where do I begin........

As we came in&+ ventured down the stairs, 'Night Fever' was being played, so a good start (can't beat a bit of cheese!). The DJ continued to play brilliant music & the dance floor was filled with fodder for my blog!!

There were 2 ladies dancing - a tall willowy, dusky woman in a very strange dress - short at the front & back but with veil like strips attached at the hips that went to the floor. Thought she was going to start doing 'dance of the 7 veils!' She was dancing with a short dumpy 'lady in red!' & oh dear!!!! The 4 of us had all clocked her at the same time & in unison all said 'that needs to go in the blog!'
Well she was wearing a dress very like the 80's bubble lycra dresses in very bright red & she was wearing - yes you guessed it a thong underneath! Now, this didn't cause the usual problem of 'crack munching dress' but the string bit that goes round the hips dug in so tight she looked like Michelin man, there were that many rolls!! Do these people not look in the mirror? (We shall return to her later!)
The band came on (there used to be a really good live band here but for some reason they no longer play & have been replaced by 2 guys). Whilst being very accomplished musicians they manage to clear the dance floor every time they appear! (Is this a ruse by the management to make you buy more drinks???). My pet hate with them is that the one with the dreadlocks 'beatboxes' at the beginning of every track but when he stops the noise carries on - come on man, who are you kidding!!!!!
Oh - I forgot to say when we arrived it was like an Indianna Jones movie as there was a guy with the biggest turban- type head dress on like some sort of Bedouin! (Not what you expect to see in a club)

Looking round I spied 2 'ladies of the night' in their black lycra mini- dresses.
These 'ladies' were african (this profession tends to fall into 3 nationalities here, filipino, african & of course dont forget the Russians!) These girls also had the long wigs on or hair extensions. Unfortunately for these 2 it doesn't matter how long the hair is or how short the dresses are you can't do anything with those faces!!! (Up to when we left shall we say,  business was slow!)

Last night the dance floor of this place was the gift that keeps on giving! (Obviously only when the DJ was on!)
The Dance of the 7 veils & red dress were 'double dating'! I use that term loosely as it very much appeared to be a 'pay by the hour or pay by the night' scenario! 7 veils was partnered by a tall fattish bald man (yeah you've read about his type previously in my blog) who looked absolutely ridiculous in his t-shirt with a neck scarf on!
Another 2 guys with their 'ladies' were double dating, maybe more of a 'blind date' situation as the men had obviously made an effort & were wearing their suits.

So on to the dancing - woman in the blue pant suit (sorry, am I the only one who thinks they look like giant baby-grows?) Waggling your a**e & doing the massive hair flick thing doesn't make you a good dancer it just makes you look a pratt!!
Oh & Man in red trousers with your jacket collar turned up & the fashioable 'geek-style' galsses - break dancing should only be done in clubs by people who can actually do it!!! He resembled someone having an epileptic fit!!!! You tried so had to dress & look cool but believe me you didn't - you fall into the same category as babygrow girl!!!

Mr 'Jack-in-the-box' put in an appearance. (For those who don't know of him I will explain about him another time!)

Well time to return to red dress & 7 veils.....
We went to queue for a taxi & 7 veils & baldy were 'waiting together' a few people ahead of us. Baldy's friend & red dress were next to me & before you could say 'thong' she was sent to back of the queue & Baldy's friend struck up a deal with a 'dusky maiden' in the taxi queue. I guess when they got out into the street light Baldy's friend decided he'd got the 'ugly one!' Haha.
So that my friends was a regular thursday night out in Dubai!!

Love Jane

Hi there,

Sorry if you looked for my blog yesterday - it wasn't there! Just didn't have time.
Yeah I know - what was I doing? Not a lot as it happens but time ran away with me.

Well, monday had a great lunch with the ladies in our silly/lovely hats - free flowing prosecco yum yum! Some of the ladies are a real hoot. P from USA cracks me up! Unfortunately can't put most of it in my blog, suffice to say that whatever she says is funny & very loud, watching the other diners reactions to her & our subsequent laughter is great!
Have started writing this late at night while H is gently snoring away! Yes for those of you who know him & his legendary snoring, sometimes it is fairly quiet!!

We skyped with younget son yesterday & he informed us (while he was making toast with Marmite) that Marmite is good for erectile dysfunction! I said in reply that we had better get some then (I was just joking) but I do not know who's face was the best picture - H or son?

Anyway tomorrow night we are having the thursday nighters round for drinks as its a dry night in all the bars so will probably have plenty to report on thursday, although M is in the UK so we won't have him dancing in his pants & chucking beer over himself this time!!

So... Its up to one of you others to provide the cabaret!!!
Don't let me down.

Need to get going to the shops now to get some cheese etc. (oh & some Marmite - haha)

See you later

Jane